I want to be done. That is what keeps running through my mind as I lay in the fetal position on my bed, gently coaxing myself to breath slow and deep from the oxygen mask that covers my face. Tears puddle in the corners of my eyes as I try and force my mind to think of something other than the throbbing pain in the side of my head. All that swirls around me beyond the sounds of my household are thoughts of I want to be done. What does that even mean? I want to be done. Yes, I want the headache to be done but it is more than that. I want to be done with everything that has anything to do with my headaches, only I don’t what those things are! Isn’t that a big cluster fuck of a problem?
I would not wish a headache on ANYONE!
Granted, I have never been shot or stabbed but I have been through child birth and headaches are the absolute worst pain I have ever felt. Not all headaches are alike but they all SUCK ASS!
Today I am struggling with cluster headaches. These hit you like a semi truck, leaving you flattened in the road with zero notice, BUT, they leave just as quick as they come. Mine are like an ice pick going into the left side of my head. Sometimes I have to grab onto something so I don’t fall down. If I am already sitting chances are I will stop breathing (not a smart thing to do) and my whole body will nearly freeze up. They only last 15-30 seconds…which does not seem like long but it is a really long time for that level of pain. These ice picks will come and go all freaking day long. Really makes me want to be super nice, chipper, productive person today….NOT!
The truth of this day is like this…
So at this very moment I am really irritated and I am trying to find my compassion button. I have been working my compassion button a lot lately, sometimes with greater success than others. Below are some real life examples of me trying to move past my irritation with people and try to view them and their actions through the loving lens that covers my eyes and mind when I press that compassion button.
Today, I step into the arena!
Thank you for the push, Theodore Roosevelt and Brene Brown!
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better,”
“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by duty and sweat and blood…who at the best know in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…”
Introduced to me by Brene Brown.