Who Made The Rule?

Who made the rule anyway?

Why the hell do I feel like a total looser any day that I don’t get dressed, hair & make up EVEN though I am working from my home office? Not just “working from home” but actually working at the office that I have created inside of my home. I have been working from home for the majority of my days over the last 7 years. Pretty much since my daughter started pre-school and I had to take her at some weird late morning time and pick her up 3 hours later to take her to daycare. It has been a blessing beyond believe for me in multiple ways but there are also some hard rules that I did not intentionally put into place that are causing me grief now that I am working towards my soul shift.

Like wearing makeup!

I have some kind of mental block that says, “you are not really prepared and ready to face the day unless you have on your make up”. Really, what the hell is that about? Lately I have been putting on my makeup sometime around 2pm just to make it seem like I have been a fresh little worker bee all day when really I was wearing my PJ’s and working since I rolled out of bed the second time just before 9am. That has to change. If I show up….ME, just me, that is all that matters…RIGHT?

This is where I twist in the wind a bit.

I know it is okay to do things that make me feel better about myself. Dressing, hair and make up have been true markers of this for me in the past. Do I have to kick them to the curb to be true to myself? OR, can I make the call from one day to the next about what fits into my world THAT DAY? Will I abuse this revised policy by always wearing my PJ’s all day and then actually become a slug like I mentally label myself OR to I practice some self love and remind myself that it really does not freaking matter what I look like while I sit in front of the computer and do work or talk on a conference line.

Also, what kind of example am I setting for my daughter? Do I want her to know that it is only HER that matters and not all the exterior stuff or do I want her to know that it is okay to do things that make you feel more whole…but why would she not feel whole just as she is?

Do you see the war here, the teeter-totter, the pendulum swinging?

HOLY HELL, it is no wonder my head hurts all the time!

So here is another “this or that” situation. Love yourself as you are at this moment BUT be healthy/active etc. Well, I am over weight, not healthy or active and I am finding it really difficult to love myself the way I am. Yes, I am doing something about it but this battle will always be there because I will breathe, eat and live. How do I reconcile it in my head and make peace with my stance?

Since writing this nearly 6 months ago, I really feel like I am closer to owning the job of making my own rules.  Granted I have to remind myself nearly every day that I am the maker and breaker of these rules but it is progress.  I wear my hair in these silly little pebbles pony tails on the top of my head most days and I really like it.  It is rare to find me in a business suit anymore because now I put a flowing Kimono over my sheath dress rather than a tailored jacket.  Sometimes, I even leave the house now with no make up.  AND, I am feeling pretty good about my new rule…JUST BE ME, what ever that is on that day.  So if you see me out in the world, don’t make a stink about my crazy hair or my multi color toenail polish, because you just never know what I found more important to spend my time on that day than my appearance!

 

Sparkle on…even when your sparkle is a mixed bag of crazy!

C

Dear Little Debbie

Dear Little Debbie,

Come over here and have a seat, we need to talk!

We have been together nearly 40 years.  That is a long time, and a lot of history.  Remember when I used to carry you in my scooby-do lunch box to Kindergarten at Clayton Elementary?  I remember when you moved with me to St. Louis in the 4th grade, that was huge.  You were there for me when we moved back to Michigan too.  You would wait for me to get home from school nearly every day.  I love you Little Debbie, I really do.

I know you love me too.  I know you love the way I can gently pull back your perforated side.  How I can quickly pull you from your cellophane type wrapper.  I can stare at you adoringly from across the room.  I get Little Debbie, I really do.

But, the time has come.  Your smooth chocolate goodness and your inner cream filing are just too much for me.  You give me the greatest (sugar) highs but also the lowest (guilty) lows.  It is just too much for me to take anymore.  You need to go.  Take your fudge rounds, your nutty bars and your oatmeal cream pies and find yourself a new girl to love.

Please go quietly Little Debbie.  Please don’t call to me from the kitchen while I lay in bed at night.  Please don’t scream to me from behind the glass wall in the lunch room at work.  Please don’t throw yourself at me as I rush by you on my way to the produce at Meijer.

Today was our last fling Little Debbie, we are done! GTFO!

Your Ex Lova

C

Sparkle On!

P.S.  Don’t try to knock on Katrina’s door either, she threw you out already and I know damn well she does not want you back!

 

P.P.S  – Don’t even think about ganging up with those Keebler Elves to get back in here.  I’ll stomp their asses and throw them to the pugs!

My intentions with me!

That is a big question to ask of yourself…what are my intentions with me?  But from all that I have been reading lately (and I have been guzzling the books), it seems that I need to set some very clear intentions with myself.  So here is my start.  I say start because I suspect this will be an every growing and evolving thing, or at least I hope that is the case.

-I fully intend to grow my hair long enough to wear in a cute pony tail, sophisticated french twist, bohemian braid, regal chignon and the very frequent messy bun.

-I fully intend to loose the weight that has been settling on my bones like an emotional straight jacket over the past 4 years.  I intend to do this with  moderation in both food and exercise and large quantities of distraction.

-I fully intend to keep working on myself.

-I fully intend to earn my highest potential as a public speaker.

-I fully intend to charge what I am worth to be a coach.

-I fully intend to live out my inner gypsy by opening a store, “The Souls Circus” that will house my coaching business plus several comfy couches, a working area for jewelry/craft making ladies nights and TONS of fun clothing and accessory items so that my badassary can be shared with the world.  And sometimes, I will even have baked goods…because this newly thin girls loves to bake, and who the hell doesn’t love home made ‘no bake cookies’?

There it is…WORLD.  Here I come!

Sparkle on!

C

 

It is NOT Food!

When I procrastinate….I eat!

When I am frustrated…I eat!

When I am stressed…I eat!

When I don’t feel well…I eat!

It is so NOT about the food for me, this is about my mind!  When my mind is unsettled for ANY reason, I have been finding comfort in food.  So my ass (and boobs and belly) have all grown and my unsettled remains.  Guess this plan is not working!  I have tired several things, other than food over the years (more on that later) but today’s beast that must be tamed is my mind and how I use food try and find comfort.  I need to find a better way but I suspect I might be buried in my grumpy pants for the new few days as I start the process of breaking up with Little Debbie, telling the Keebler Elves they are evicted from the pantry and give my “I will be seeing you so much less” speech to my lovely boys, Jack, Jim and Captain (Daniels, Beam and Morgan)!

Welcome to the circus!