Who Made The Rule?

Who made the rule anyway?

Why the hell do I feel like a total looser any day that I don’t get dressed, hair & make up EVEN though I am working from my home office? Not just “working from home” but actually working at the office that I have created inside of my home. I have been working from home for the majority of my days over the last 7 years. Pretty much since my daughter started pre-school and I had to take her at some weird late morning time and pick her up 3 hours later to take her to daycare. It has been a blessing beyond believe for me in multiple ways but there are also some hard rules that I did not intentionally put into place that are causing me grief now that I am working towards my soul shift.

Like wearing makeup!

I have some kind of mental block that says, “you are not really prepared and ready to face the day unless you have on your make up”. Really, what the hell is that about? Lately I have been putting on my makeup sometime around 2pm just to make it seem like I have been a fresh little worker bee all day when really I was wearing my PJ’s and working since I rolled out of bed the second time just before 9am. That has to change. If I show up….ME, just me, that is all that matters…RIGHT?

This is where I twist in the wind a bit.

I know it is okay to do things that make me feel better about myself. Dressing, hair and make up have been true markers of this for me in the past. Do I have to kick them to the curb to be true to myself? OR, can I make the call from one day to the next about what fits into my world THAT DAY? Will I abuse this revised policy by always wearing my PJ’s all day and then actually become a slug like I mentally label myself OR to I practice some self love and remind myself that it really does not freaking matter what I look like while I sit in front of the computer and do work or talk on a conference line.

Also, what kind of example am I setting for my daughter? Do I want her to know that it is only HER that matters and not all the exterior stuff or do I want her to know that it is okay to do things that make you feel more whole…but why would she not feel whole just as she is?

Do you see the war here, the teeter-totter, the pendulum swinging?

HOLY HELL, it is no wonder my head hurts all the time!

So here is another “this or that” situation. Love yourself as you are at this moment BUT be healthy/active etc. Well, I am over weight, not healthy or active and I am finding it really difficult to love myself the way I am. Yes, I am doing something about it but this battle will always be there because I will breathe, eat and live. How do I reconcile it in my head and make peace with my stance?

Since writing this nearly 6 months ago, I really feel like I am closer to owning the job of making my own rules.  Granted I have to remind myself nearly every day that I am the maker and breaker of these rules but it is progress.  I wear my hair in these silly little pebbles pony tails on the top of my head most days and I really like it.  It is rare to find me in a business suit anymore because now I put a flowing Kimono over my sheath dress rather than a tailored jacket.  Sometimes, I even leave the house now with no make up.  AND, I am feeling pretty good about my new rule…JUST BE ME, what ever that is on that day.  So if you see me out in the world, don’t make a stink about my crazy hair or my multi color toenail polish, because you just never know what I found more important to spend my time on that day than my appearance!

 

Sparkle on…even when your sparkle is a mixed bag of crazy!

C

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