Yesterday was a good, no headache day. But it was also yesterday!
I actually twirled though the house saying it is great to be alive. My daughter looked at me like I was a bit crazy but she seemed to enjoy the fact that I was giggly and silly. This does not happen much for someone who suffers from chronic headaches. There are two key things that make yesterday such a wonderful experience….
- It reminds me that it is possible to feel like a human being. Someone who wants to participate, and can participate in activities of life. What a concept right! But for me this is HUGE. Days like this come around about once every 90-120 days so they are CHERISHED!
- It reminds me that I am not CRAZY! All the other days, where I feel like some level of crap, I start to think that I am doing this to myself. My thoughts get away from me and begin to spiral around me like toxic waste. Thoughts like “you are fine, just suck it up” and “you are a whimp, you can’t handle pain” or “you head doesn’t really hurt, this is just normal life”…THEY CAN BRAIN WASH YOU…and it can be done fairly easy when you are in pain every fucking day. Having a good day reminds you that those thoughts are just that, thoughts, they are NOT REAL. It is normal to expect to feel good, EVERY DAY and let the pain be the exception!
So, I wrote in big letters in my gratitude journal last night how grateful I am for headache free days. Today, I could write that but my list will probably be a bit more simple. Like grateful I didn’t throw up, grateful I was able to get my daughter off to school and grateful I was able to get a least a few hours of work at my corporate job done from my home office (although while wearing PJ’s and napping a lunch). Those things are worth being grateful too. If they weren’t, I think I may have given up by now. This is a hard path to travel day in and day out and sometimes the simple things are what keep me going.
My plan yesterday was to write that next story in the headache series…what happens after that first trip to the doctor nearly 17 years ago but, that didn’t happen. Instead I enjoyed the sunshine (although cold) by going for a walk with my husband and our two pug dogs. I baked yummy apple treats with my daughter. We played outside on the trampoline and we enjoyed a great dinner all together. I am sure there was more but I was pretty pumped to be able to remember it all! Maybe tomorrow I can continue the story as today, with even its small victories has left me exhausted and a bit bitter and cranky.
Tomorrow is another day…maybe, just maybe it can be another yesterday!
Even in the midst of the darkness, spread your sparkle EVERYWHERE!